The guys are watching a disheveled Dee eating trash cake, drinking and smoking. They try to make jokes about her looking like a bird (more than usual), but she pre-empts them at every attempt and agrees. The guys wonder what’s up and tell her to snap out of it, fight back. But she decides to just go home and maybe throw herself in front a bus since she’s so ugly a bus wouldn’t even try and hit (on) her.
Dennis realizes they might have finally broken Dee.
Feeling responsible, they head to her apartment where she’s sprawled out on the couch. They have some ideas to help her out. Mac, Charlie and Frank suggest signing her up for an open mic night at a comedy club where they’ll actually go and support her. She can even use her self-loathing as a catchphrase, “Joke’s on me!”
Dennis has a completely different plan. He wants to find her an average to below average man to marry her and take her off their hands for good.
Dee agrees to whatever, both, plans.
They head to the comedy club where Dee talks about not showering, her vagina in the park and the bus not hitting her. The audience seems to love it even if what Dee’s saying is pretty sad.
The guys go congratulate her after, but Dennis tells them to go get a drink while he tells Dee she was horrible and her jokes were filth. He has some polaroids of average to below average men, but a man comes up to them and interrupts.
Schneider, a talent scout, loved Dee’s set and gives her his card. Dennis shoos him away and focuses Dee on his below average men and says that guy was just some creep trying to hit on women.
Anyway, Dennis realizes he can do better, so he tells Dee to fix herself up a bit and he’ll have some fresh candidates tomorrow.
Dennis heads over to Dee’s next morning with some new Selects. But he is surprised to find Dee’s not alone. Schneider’s inside eating Chinese food in his underwear. Oh Dee, Dennis says. She is going down the same path of using and being used that always ends up in failure for her. Dennis warns she can get much lower.
But Dee says Schneider got her another gig tonight. Boom. Zeeetp.
Dennis can’t believe Dee is doing sound effects.
The guys head over to Dee’s gig where she’s opening for popular diarrhea comedian Landslide. Dennis has brought along Walt, a guy with low self esteem, to pair up with Dee when she bombs tonight. That way he will control the situation and Dee like he always has.
Dee gets up on stage and does her set of jokes about vaginas, pubes and crabs. Complete with sound effects. The crowd LOVES her.
Dennis can’t believe it.
After the show, they head backstage and are stopped by a bouncer. Dee ignores them for a little while before letting Charlie, Mac and Frank in. She tells Dennis the three of them actually support her and that maybe he is just jealous of her success.
Dennis says she will fail in spectacular fashion, but Dee just tells him to stay out of her way because she’s going to be a star.
And indeed she does. Dee becomes the headlining act at the club and the guys have made “Joke’s on Dee” shirts which everyone loves to wear to the show. Meanwhile, Dee continues rejecting Dennis’ Selects.
Backstage, Dee is demanding her own mic and not some mic other so-called comedians have spit into. A man, Michael, saying he’s a talent manager from Hollywood comes up to her and says he would like to get her on Conan tomorrow night. And he’d also like to represent her.
Schneider and the guys arrive and Dee tells Schneider she doesn’t need him anymore. The guys are excited to be going to Hollywood, but Dee says they aren’t going anywhere. Michael says she can bring her friends along too, on his private jet, but Dee says nope.
Michael asks if she wants to go to his hotel to have sex and she quickly agrees. The guys protest, We made you! Dee scoffs, she made them! Screw you guys!
Next day, Dee is with Michael at the airstrip, about to board the private jet. Dennis comes running, apologizing and telling Dee that he was the perfect Select all along. He’s been putting her down all their lives, but he now realizes she will succeed and fulfill her dreams. She has to take him, he loves her.
“Dennis… suck my dick.”
Dee uses her foot to push him off the stairs and the jet takes off.
In the sky, Michael is prepping Dee for when they touch down in LA. There’ll be a limo, paparazzi, screaming crowds. It’ll be insane. Dee starts heaving and gagging. She says she’s fine, she’s ready.
The entire flight, while rehearsing her set, she drinks and throws up and sweats and drinks and gags.
They get to LA and the paparazzi are on the tarmac when Michael ushers Dee into the limo. They get to the studio, paparazzi greet them there too. Michael hurries Dee inside, it’s a flurry of activity, a director tells Dee to get ready.
Dee hears Conan introducing her and she walks through the curtains… and finds herself at Paddy’s.
“Joke’s on Dee!” The pub is full of people, it’s some kind of party. Everyone’s there.
It was all Mac, Charlie and Frank’s plan since she was being annoying and threatening to kill herself. Shouldn’t joke about that stuff, she went too far. So that’s why they showed her how low she could really go.
Dee can’t believe it and starts going crazy, ripping off the curtains, hurling bowls and glasses across the room.
Meanwhile, the guys laugh at Dennis who was completely out of the loop. They broke him too. Dennis laughs, no they didn’t and excuses himself to go outside while Mac, Charlie and Frank drink to their success.
Sunny, season 9! Can you believe it?
This was an alright season premiere even though I was kinda underwhelmed. Especially after how amazing season 8 was, I guess I was expecting a bigger bang for the first episode back.
Definitely looking forward to what insanity the Gang has in store this year though!