The board members of Atwater Capital are afraid of the company going down in flames so they decide to call on the founder, known as The Warthog, to save it…
Frank is busy obtaining crow eggs from their ledge when he gets the call. At the bar, Dee, Mac and Dennis happily count down the seconds as 24 hours have passed since finding a wallet at the bar, officially making it theirs. Belonging to a Brian Lafeve, they find Canadian money and tickets to today’s Phillies game.
Frank and Charlie walk in all dressed in colorful dress shirts and ties. They drop off their crow eggs into the bar fridge before heading over to Atwater to help stop a scumbag company from taking it over.
“Boom I got your wallet. Boom I got your credit card.”
Dennis, Mac and Dee get to the ballpark and find the tickets were for a VIP suite. Dee’s excited about free batteries from the remote in the room while Mac is excited about all the other free stuff in general. Dennis tells them to calm down and act like they belong in such a place.
Suddenly, two men walk in, an Andrew and Bill, who assume Dennis is Brian and Dee is his wife Prudence. Mac introduces himself as Vic Vinegar, their bodyguard.
Andrew and Bill say they have all week to talk business so why don’t they enjoy the game.
At Atwater, Charlie acts as Frank’s personal assistant. First order of business, take care of all these too many minority and women employees. Frank sees a young man trying to fix a printer and he walks over to help. Frank reaches in and pulls out a jammed piece of paper then fires the kid after he did his job for him.
Frank announces it’s time for them to cut the crust off of this “shit sandwich” of a company so they can turn things around.
At the ballpark, Andrew and Bill ask Dennis as Brian if they like the proposal. Dee goes into a Canadian accent and Dennis pulls her away. She and Mac think they should just leave now, but Dennis says he can become this man and it’s about more than business. It’s all about the thrill of “wearing another man’s skin.” To be in control of his every single move, that’s how you get off.
“Don’t you guys want to get off with me?”
“I want you guys to get off with me.”
Across town, Frank and Charlie are getting fitted for racquetball outfits. Charlie asks Frank what Atwater makes and creates, like, builds or designs. Frank says money and wealth, what are you talking about. Charlie wants to do that stuff and he’s got some ideas. Frank says to leave that to “the chinks.” Instead, Charlie needs to make sure their dinner tomorrow night with Japanese investors includes them eating sushi off of “some Jap broad’s tits.”
Dennis, Dee and Mac are invited to a resort by Andrew and Bill who are still hoping to woo Brian Lafeve for their business venture. Dennis promises to get them “off in ways you never thought existed.”
Andrew and Bill tell DennisBrian they know exactly what he likes to maybe help convince him and point him to the locker room. Mac joins Dennis walking to the locker room and says he wants to get into this business stuff and has some ideas like a resort for bodyguards.
They finally see the surprise waiting for them, a shirtless Asian guy. He says he was only expecting one, but “I can take both of you,” and he might get a little sore.
Mac says they should just leave since apparently Brian Lafeve is in to “banging little Asian boys.” But Dennis says they need to see things through. He needs to see how far he can go, what his limits are.
“You’re going to have sex with a tiny Asian boy!?”
Dennis “fires” Vic Vinegar and prepares to take his pants off for the tiny Asian boy, but when he turns back, finds he’s now all dressed… as a caddy, with a set of golf clubs and a big red ribbon on them.
Oh. Dennis asks for a moment to switch gears since he almost…
Charlie and Frank wait for the Japanese investors at the restaurant. Charlie has some insider info though. The controlling shareholder in Atwater is Brian Lafeve, which explains why he was at the bar, probably looking for Frank.
The Japanese investors arrive and Charlie welcomes them with some broken Engrish. He tries to pitch them the virtues of crow eggs, but Frank stops him and fires him.
Charlie heads back to Paddy’s where Mac is also sad about being fired. It was him to gave Charlie the insider info. But both are more upset that neither Frank or Dennis would listen to their ideas. They decide they should go into business together when suddenly a detective walks in asking about Brian Lafeve.
Dennis and Dee attend Frank’s shareholders meeting for Atwater. But before he can speak, Charlie and Mac come in with a mindblowing video about the company.
Actually, it’s their video talking about FIGHT MILK, the first alcoholic dairy based protein drink, for bodyguards, by bodyguards. Also some crows eggs for good measure, made fresh.
The room is speechless until Mac points to Dennis and says he’s not Brian Lafeve. They explain Brian did go to the bar. He needed to take a piss, Charlie was cleaning the bathroom so he goes out into the alley. But having left his wallet inside, Mac doesn’t let him back in without an ID. So Brian ends up getting stabbed by a crackhead in the alley.
Dennis just “totally got off bro.”
Dee is surprised, what? He got off on all of this, yet she could’ve just milked the guys for money and a free pair of shoes. Dennis enjoyed his mostly sexual getting off in the last few minutes.
Frank brings the attention back to him on stage and says Atwater is a company he loves, he built the company from the ground up. Suddenly, he gets a call. It’s done, he affirms.
He turns back to the audience and says the company’s gone. He’s stripped it and sold it “to the chinks” and they’re all fired. Charlie is surprised, but Frank says while he loved the company, he didn’t love it more than money.
Moving on, Frank wants to know more about crowtein.
This might have been the weakest episode of the season so far, but that’s not saying it was bad since we’ve had some classics. This episode went by very, very fast and it wasn’t really packed with a lot of material.
But it was still a lot of fun with plenty of hilarious moments. My favorite moment though had to be Dee’s reaction to Dennis asking her and Mac if they wanted to get off with him. A look of absolute horror and confusion…
Dennis gets more deranged by the episode. I was surprised they didn’t play up Mac’s possible gayness in that “tiny Asian boy” scene, which, by the way, unfolded hilariously well. Great payoff for that whole scene.
No beating up on Dee this week. Charlie finds a new animal obsession. And Frank is Frank.
Plus we got a cameo appearance by the penis shaped invitations from when the guys went manhunting.
Good episode, but definitely below what we’ve seen so far this year.