Friday the 13th.
The guys are running around in the forest, horror movie style when they get arrested. The detective wants to know their involvement in a wedding party that includes a missing bride and guests with various injuries and some with half their faces gone.
They were the only ones at the scene who weren’t invited and Dennis is a main suspect since it’s his ex-wife that’s getting married.
They begin their story. Maureen Ponderosa is getting married and Dennis wants to make sure the wedding goes off without a hitch so he doesn’t have to pay her alimony anymore. He decides to crash the wedding and Mac and Charlie go with him.
They take a shuttle bus to the venue in the woods and when they get there Charlie says it’s a strange place. There are bats everywhere and everything is even more creepy considering it’s Friday the 13th.
Even creepier is when Liam McPoyle appears behind Dennis. Turns out he’s the groom. Isn’t he in love with brother Ryan? He’s dead to me, Liam says. He’d ask them to leave, but he’s “too damn happy.”
“See you bitches on the dance floor.”
Dee and Frank arrive at the wedding and Dennis accuses them of wanting to ruin the wedding since they love Dennis having the financial burden of paying alimony. Frank says he’s just here to support Bill Ponderosa as his AA sponsor. Suddenly, Frank gets “tagged by a bat.” He tells Dee to suck the poison out of his head for $200.
“Suck it! Suck it harder!”
Dee swallows. OMG why!? the others scream and they tell her to throw it up. Dennis can’t believe these four crazies who’ll most certainly ruin the wedding.
But Frank admits they did want to stop the wedding. Partly because they did love holding the alimony over Dennis, but also because they got a visit from Ryan McPoyle last week.
Ryan says the McPoyle bloodline has been “pure and clean” for a thousand years and this marriage is an abomination.
“When you say ‘pure and clean,’ you mean what exactly?”
“That means we haven’t bred outside the bloodline.”
“For a thousand years?!”
“That makes a lot of sense.”
At the woody wedding venue, Ryan hops out of Dee’s trunk with a moustache as his disguise and says Let’s go kill Maureen. Frank and Dee say they’ll just help him get to Liam so they can “talk, or bang or whatever it is you want to do.”
Liam turns around when Bill Ponderosa comes to Frank telling him he really wants to get blitzed today, but can’t even since they’re only serving milk at the wedding. Maybe he should do drugs instead. Frank supports his decisions 100%, whatever they are.
Inside, Margaret McPoyle is playing the cello while strange McPoyles are all over the place. Things have taken a dark turn, Dennis says. He goes to find Maureen to get her to sign the papers releasing him from his obligation.
“Dude, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Yeah, we could definitely get laid here.”
Dennis finds Maureen who is happy to see him. He is then distracted by her “giant new titties,” which she’s gotten done along with her dead tooth. The bridesmaids shoo him out of the room before she can sign the papers.
Dennis meets back up with Mac and Charlie who points out Pappy McPoyle saying crazy things about springing from his loins and babies who wanted to eat him, but he ate them first. Zombies, Charlie says. He and Mac decide to leave. Go ahead, Dennis says and some McPoyle, who is foaming at the mouth, points at him.
Frank and Dee are with Liam. He tells them about the pureblood McPoyles, much of their clan succumbing to syphilis and mongoloidism. They bring him into a room where Ryan is waiting and they leave them alone to talk.
In the hallway, they get freaked out by some twisted, contorted McPoyle spiderlady while other McPoyles are wandering around like zombies. Dee decides it’s time to go and Frank says that’s the last time he ever saw her.
But Charlie and Mac say they saw her after that. That’s when shit started hitting the fan, they say.
Mac and Charlie, all cut up and bleeding, run up to Dee warning her about zombies but then she starts attacking them. Meanwhile, Dennis decides to look for Liam and finds Frank dancing, celebrating. They both barge into the room where they find Ryan on his knees in front of Liam… crying into his crotch.
Liam’s convinced Ryan that it isn’t their bloodline that’s being infected, they are the ones spreading their blood in their quest for world domination. Okay, so Dennis has him sign and they leave to find Maureen as they fight their way through guests being zombies and fighting.
Charlie and Mac throw Dee into a freezer and Charlie reasons that maybe the bat poison she sucked from Frank’s head was what turned her into a zombie. They have a discussion about horror genres and why Batman is who he is.
“These are Academy Award winning movies, this is serious stuff.”
“You know the Academy, Charlie. Sometimes it’s atrocious.”
Maybe Dee has bat rabies.
Charlie and Mac fight their way through chaos in the hall and they meet back with Frank and Dennis. Dennis says he’s done something really, really bad. He messed up bad and they need to get outta there before anyone finds out.
They run outside and that’s when the police picked them up. They maintain it was all bat rabies, zombies and “weird incestuous jealousy.” But another detective brings in a witness they just picked up who knows what happened.
It’s Dee. She wasn’t infected. She explains running into Bill Ponderosa who tries to get her to drink some milk to get her “butthole hot.” He has spiked the milk with methylenedioxypyrovalerone, also known as “bath salts.” So everyone is messed up with bath salts.
“The drug that makes people each other’s faces!?”
That explains the zombies. Mac and Charlie say that explains why Dee went crazy on them. But wait up.
“I went nuts on you because of what you assholes did to my goddamn car!”
Turns out Charlie and Mac, wanting to get away, hop into Dee’s car, but end up crashing it into a nearby pole because Charlie “forgot how to drive.” Dee saw the whole thing.
There’s the whole story. But it doesn’t explain the missing bride, the detective says. Dennis confesses he banged Maureen. That gets Maureen obsessed with him again and she wants to run away together. Dennis cries.
So it was Dennis who blew the wedding himself. The other detective comes back in to say someone has posted his bail… Maureen!
She pops in with a cat sweater, ready to go home with Dennis.
Dennis cries some more, regretting getting horned up by Maureen’s “giant titties” and begging the detective for help.
That was genius.
Creepy, freaky, scary and absolutely hilarious. Explaining away real life zombies with fracked up drugs? Who even does that!?
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, that’s who.
This was just a fun episode from start to finish. Again, pulling from Sunny‘s world of characters, this time the always creepy McPoyles and even throwing crazy Maureen Ponderosa into the mix. Guillermo del Toro was a fun cameo, talking about baby eating of course.
The episode reminded me of Supernatural‘s stylized episodes (one of which we saw just yesterday). And this is definitely not the first time Sunny has done one. It all worked. From the title sequence to the lighting to the scene of the guys frantically running through the woods (or maybe just in front of the police car, really lol), they did an excellent job.
And the writing was on point as well. Plus poor Dee who just can’t keep a car for more than an episode.
3 for 3 so far this season. I think this one will definitely go down as a classic Sunny episode.