While the guys are arguing over how Frank handles Paddy’s money, Dee comes in on a cute little baby blue Vespa. She got her $30,000 surrogate money and will declare the baby as her dependent to get a tax break for the next 18 years.
“Sweet Dee beat the system!”
Or not. She goes home and a lady from the IRS is there. Dee is being audited. She tells the lady they should reschedule and they set 3pm.
Back at Paddy’s, the guys don’t want Frank to make decisions without their approval and propose to have a daily meeting to discuss all bar matters. They’ll keep their emotions in check and…
“REASON WILL PREVAIL!”
They open the first Paddy’s Congress and the guys wants the first order of business be about Frank’s shady handling of the money. But he has a docket with other matters to discuss first.
First up, the dead dog in the alley. Mac and Charlie want a dog funeral, but Frank says they should just throw it in the dumpster to save time and resources. Dennis has the level head and he makes them compromise.
Next issue on the docket, whether to have thick or thin slices of lime. This time, it’d divided between Frank & Charlie (“People will did on thin limes!”) and Mac & Dennis (“I’ll put my thumb through your eye you little bitch!”)
Mac and Charlie go to Dee’s to get her deciding vote, but she’s busy setting up baby things in her apartment to keep up the illusion of Barnabas Reynolds.
They offer to find her a “short time baby” in exchange for her important vote. Okay, she says.
Mac and Charlie go back to the Pub and announce they and Dee have aligned to form the Pickle Party in which they will always trump Dennis and Frank in all votes. (No more limes, they’ll use pickles.)
But Dennis brings up the next issue on the list… a crucifix in the bar. The Pickle Party will have no problem with that right? Wrong. Mac wants a huge crucifix as the centerpiece of the bar since they’re an Irish Catholic bar. Charlie disagrees completely.
Dennis takes Frank into the office and tells him he wants in on whatever action he’s got going with the Paddy’s money.
“You need me. People don’t trust you Frank. You’re a piece of shit. And you’re ugly. And you ooze sleaze. And you’re very, very ugly.”
Alright, Frank says. He tells Dennis about everything including funneling money into fake companies and offshore accounts, such as Wolf Cola.
They realize things have quieted down outside so they go and check on Mac and Charlie. They’ve compromised on a nice cross in the back of the bar… but Dennis brings up how much blood the crucifix will have. And they blow up again.
With the IRS lady, Dee is sweating profusely wondering where the short time baby is. The guys come running in with a crying baby wrapped up in a blanket. They go into the bedroom and Dee opens up the bundle to find… two crucifixes. They want her to choose which crucifix will go in the bar.
She can’t believe it. She thinks about what to do next and they all run out, with the “baby” telling the IRS lady that the baby is sick.
Dennis and Frank continue shoring up their plans. Dennis just wants money and the illusion of power. He tells Frank about his giant gaping hole in his body. His “god hole.” Other fill it with religion, Dennis wants to fill it with pussy.
Dee, Charlie and Mac get back to the bar and Frank and Dennis come out. Telling them about the IRS problem, Frank and Dennis don’t want their little side business getting outed to the IRS, to they all decide to help Dee get the IRS off her back.
So they plan a baby funeral for Barnabas. Paddy’s is set up for a wake and Frank and Dennis welcome the IRS lady who is looking for Dee.
While Charlie tells Mac the huge crucifix is not going to stay, Dennis checks up on Dee rehearsing the speech he wrote for her. She says she can’t cry on command.
“Jesus Christ, Dee. I mean, how are you planning on becoming an actress at all? You can’t make people laugh cuz you’re not funny. You can’t cry on command. What can you do!?”
He expected it, so he blows chili powder into her eyes. It burns.
Outside, Charlie and Mac are carrying in a baby coffin. Charlie says Frank put the urinal rocks in it.
Drinking a Wolf Cola, Frank makes a short speech before red eyed-Dee comes out to start her speech. Her eyes are burning up though and then she finds they’re bleeding so Dennis takes over.
Frank hands him a Wolf Cola and Charlie and Mac get suspicious. They head into the office and realize Frank and Dennis’ shady backroom dealings. “Those two are conspiring against us!”
They head out to expose them and open the casket to reveal the urinal rocks… instead out rolls the dead dog from the alley.
I’m done here, says the IRS lady as she leaves. Dennis proposes they ditch the democracy and go back to organized chaos and they all agree.
It was definitely the dark comedy the Gang promised. Some good laughs here and there. A little slow, especially with some of that Paddy’s Congress stuff, but a nice, though typical “The Gang ends up screwed anyway” conclusion.
Might not be one of my favorite episodes and not as funny as last week’s, but an interesting and different feel of an episode.