Dennis and Dee are shocked to find Frank burning their family photos from their Jersey Shore vacations back when they were still related. They all decide to take a trip down, for Dennis and Dee to relive their great childhood memories and for Charlie to finally get to see the ocean.
They arrive at their reeking motel. Dennis and a braided, “Bo Derek”-looking Dee take Charlie under their wing to show him the sights while Frank and Mac want to just lay on the beach with some booze.
With their tequila-filled sunscreen bottles in hand, Dennis and Dee walk down the beach and wonder why it is so desolate and filled with “a shit ton of dogs.” Maybe all the action is at the boardwalk, so they take Charlie (who is drinking sunscreen) and head on over.
The boardwalk appears just as desolate, so Dennis tells Charlie about the real magic under the boardwalk. And they come across two homeless guys banging each other.
That’s not the kind of magic Charlie wants so he leaves.
Hoping to get that horrifying image out of their heads, Dennis and Dee go on one of those drop rides. But Dee’s beaded braided hair gets caught in the back of the ride and they drop… with a big chunk of her scalp getting ripped away. Dennis throws up on the way down.
At the local ER, they meet a young woman (whom they write a whole life story for) who then invites them to party with her and her friends.
Meanwhile, Frank brings “rum ham” to share with Mac instead of bringing booze to drink. Genius. But the dogs take an interest to the ham, so Frank’s brilliant idea is to get “hammered” on an inflatable raft in the ocean.
They fall asleep and when they wake up, they’ve drifted further out into the ocean. Not only are they lost in the ocean, the rum ham has floated away. They think they’re done for, but a yacht full of “guidos” arrives and takes them in.
Charlie is digging in the ocean when suddenly the Waitress shows up.
It’s destiny Charlie says. She notices Charlie holding a little green stone in his hand and she asks to see it. She thinks it’s beautiful and to Charlie’s surprise, the Waitress actually wants to hang out.
The woman, Stephanie, brings Dennis and Dee into some van. They wait for Bobby, apparently their leader of some sort. He shares his angel dust blunt with them and they get the party started.
“Embrace the night.”
While Charlie and the Waitress are having fun frolicking on the beach, Bobby and friends actually, literally hit a liquor store… as in rob with semi-automatic rifles.
One of them gets shot and they go to some doctor who sitches him up, only to get shot and killed. Dennis and Dee are horrified.
But out on the sea, Frank and Mac are getting tanned and roided up partying with the guidos. They cap their own perfect night when the guidos fish out rum ham from the water.
The druggie criminals force Dennis and Dee to dig a hole on the beach to bury the dead doctor, but Dee throws sand in Bobby’s eyes allowing them to run for their lives.
Down the beach, the Waitress and Charlie play with a dog as fireworks start lighting up the sky. The Waitress wakes up on the beach the next morning and is shocked to see Charlie next to her.
“Did you rape me last night?” she asks.
“Ewe, gross, no.” Charlie replies.
She admits she was on ecstasy yesterday and has no memory of what happened. All she wants to do take a shower to wash the whole night off.
Charlie offers the little green jewel, but it’s actually just a piece of broken glass. The Waitress leaves, back to her usual self.
“I guess that’s just summer love. Crazy.”
Mac, Charlie, and Frank are ready to go with their bags just as Dennis and Dee come speeding up wanting to hurry out of this crazy Jersey Shore.
But Charlie thinks the Jersey Shore is a “beautiful magical town.”
Cue The Drifters and Dennis drives them out of there as fast as he can.
Much better than the season premiere. Still not the funniest ever, but much more fun than last week.
Always love when Dennis and Dee actually act like brother and sister. And it’s fun to see Mac and Frank instead of Charlie and Frank from time to time.
And it’s season 7, yet they can still find ways to keep Charlie and the Waitress going strong. Awesome.