It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Episode 5.06: The World Series Defense

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Now, this week’s episode may not have had me rolling on the floor as much as the last few weeks, but it was still hilarious in its own way.

One refreshing thing about the episode that I’ve missed is the Gang all united, not leaving each other behind or throwing each other to the gutter, but actually working together and having fun together. I guess only the Phillies in the World Series can do that.

So the set up, Dennis accumulated more than a thousand dollars worth of parking tickets last year. Well, the Gang has a very… detailed explanation of why that happened.

It all started on October 28, 2008… the day of Game 5 of the 2008 World Series. The Gang is in the bar getting ready to head over to Citizens Bank Park, the guys making some riot punch, Frank making sandwiches, and Dee dolling herself up for their plan. And they’re all working together for once! (“Hoop! There it is!) Dennis and Mac start beating each other up at the bottom of the 9th, getting the attention of security and allowing Dee to run onto the field and kiss one of the Phillies players. Simple enough. But Charlie wants to get out there too. This could be his chance to get Greenman into the Philadelphia mascot picture. The rest of the Gang doesn’t think that’s a good idea, but now they’ve got a real problem. Frank doesn’t have the tickets.

The Gang splits up, Dennis and Charlie head over to get them a good tailgating spot and Frank, Mac, and Dee head back to the apartment to get the tickets. But oops! The apartment has been tented. They are fumigating the building for bed bugs. Frank is hesitant to go in there while the toxic poison is all over the place, but the other two say it’s all right. Frank lifts the tent and the toxic smoke comes billowing out. Mac suggests he scale the building and bust open the window, cutting down on occupancy time.
Dee: “You are not capable of doing that!”
Mac, getting in Dee’s face: “I absolutely have the upper body strength to accomplish that.”
Dee gets up real close to Mac’s face: “Are you kidding me!?!”
Mac: “God damn it Dee! God damn it!”

Meanwhile, Dennis and Charlie are at the Park, and decide they can’t wait for the others. They’re going to sneak into the stadium. But how? Charlie tells Dennis about the secret tunnel from the Holiday Inn to the stadium that they use to get visiting teams safely out without the Philly fans hammering them. They might be security there too, so Charlie brings up his “Charlie One-Two.” One, you jump in front of a car coming into the stadium. And two, tell the driver that you’re going to sue them if they don’t give you tickets. Dennis will not throw himself in front of a car.
Dennis: “Well, it’s called the ‘Charlie One-Two,’ you do it.”
Charlie: “Well no I’ve done to many man, I mean the next one could be my last bro. … I don’t want to do anymore dude, I could die!”

Charlie finally agrees and they wait for a fancy car who’ll have rich people tickets. A BMW passes but Charlie doesn’t jump. A Mercedes comes, but Charlie pushes Dennis in front of the car.
Back in court, the judge questions these guys’ crazy actions.

Mac: “Let the record show, that the three of us do not condone the actions of the two of them.”
Judge: “The record will show everything. You can stop saying that!”
Dee: “Are you sure? Because she’s not typing very quickly.”
Frank: “It’s shorthand. She’s getting the gist.”
Mac: “I don’t appreciate being paraphrased. Now I choose my words very deliberately.”

Later, Frank finds a garden hose and he decides to use it to breathe in fresh air as he makes his way into the apartment. He heads in and it seems to be working. While Frank is inside, Dee and Mac decide to continue their discussion on who Dee should kiss. She has some ideas, but Mac is insistent on Chase Utley. Dee wonders why he’s so set on him and it turns out he wants her to deliver his letter to him. A love letter? Dee asks and he says, yes he loves Chase Utley, but not in a sexual way. Maybe. She reads the letter (Oh shit! There’s stickers!)

Dee starts reading… “Dear Chase… Oh shit! There’s stickers! My God.”
Mac: “Yeah, well you need to jazz it up you know. Make it pop!”
Dee: “Yeah, you sure do. You sure do.”

She continues…

Dear Chase,
I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so much alike. I would love to meet you someday. It would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you, but I think you would be impressed by my speed. I love you hair. You run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about. And more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. And I hope you write back this time and we get to be good friends. I’m sure our relationship would be a real home run.

The courtroom bursts into chuckles.
The judge wants to get back to the case.

Back to the flashback, Dee notices the hose is gone and they have to get inside to save Frank. The building is full of poisonous smoke and they see Frank sprawled out on the floor. Mac heads inside to find the tickets, but Frank thinks the “bug bomb bastards” took ’em. They are now inhaling toxic poison. They’re coughing. Their eyes are bleeding. They can’t breathe. They’re vomiting.

Back at Citizens Bank, Dennis is trying to recover from being hit by a car. Charlie brings him a soft pretzel dog. “Screw your goddamn soft pretzel you son of a bitch. I might be bleeding internally!” Dennis says. Charlie sees the Philly Frenetic and decides to go up to him and “talk shop” about Greenman. Charlie dons the full costume and goes over, but the Philly Frenetic isn’t taking Greenman too seriously, he slaps Greenman’s ass, he belly bumps him. Greenman is pissed. He jumps on the Frenetic and starts beating him up and two fans see this happening. Their blood boils and decides to go hammer on Greenman.

Mac, Dee, and Frank arrive at the Park. Dennis notices their bleeding eyes. They desperately want to get into the Park, and Mac suggests he scale the wall.
Dennis: “Okay, I hate to tell you this bro, but you do not have the core strength to scale the façade of Citizen’s Bank. You just don’t.”
Mac: “What!? I work out all the time!”
Dennis: “Yeah, but you only work out your glamour muscles, and you know it.”
Mac: “I work out my core!”
Dennis: “No. You do not work out your core. You’re totally arm heavy. You’re all bis and tris and everything else is just… fat and ribs.”
Mac: “Bro, I could do way more push ups than you and that’s like 16 different muscle groups right there.”
Dennis: “That is beyond retarded what you’re saying right now. I could do way more push-ups than you even though I was just hit by a car.”

They look at each other and get down on the ground to do push-ups.

Finishing their story, Charlie escapes the hammering they all decide to go find the underground tunnel between the Park and Holiday Inn. They head into the hotel and go to the lower level, they don’t find anything until Charlie finds a linen closet. They get locked in, but Charlie, using Scooby Doo logic, looks for a door in the wall, which he does. They head in, turn on the light and find a dungeon full of dead Phillies fans.

Well, not really, Dennis made that part up because they were losing the judge’s attention. Really what happened is they were locked in the Holiday Inn linen closet for six days until a maid came in to get some towels. Let the records show, they complained how the maid only came in to get fresh towels after six days! Questionable sanitation habits at the hotel.

So did the World Series Defense work? Nope, the judge says she actually found even more crimes they’ve committed in the process. They say it’s been a kangaroo court, but they concede and leave the courtroom, but Charlie wants to bring up a counter-suit against the Frenetic and then steroids, but the bailiff escorts them out.

It was a fun episode, not as laugh out loud funny as the last two weeks, but still enjoyable. I think there was too little Greenman! But again, it was pretty awesome seeing the entire Gang brought together for an entire episode. Good times.

2 thoughts on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Episode 5.06: The World Series Defense

  1. I’m going to go ahead and argue that this was one of the funnier episodes for people who have actually lived in Philadelphia for any amount of time. Every once in a while the gang pulls out an episode full of Philadelphiocity – There really is a Holiday Inn at the sports complex, the fans are (proudly) violent, etc. etc. One funny thing was that they made such a big deal of the grain alcohol “riot juice,” which, while awesome, is something you have to hop the bridge over to the dirty jerz to buy.

    Go Phillies!

    1. I agree, I think the episode would’ve probably been even more awesome if you were from Philly. There seemed to be lots of inside jokes, though still accessible to everyone. Good episode nonetheless.

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