Last week’s episode, “The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention” was epic. One of the very best Sunny has had to offer. So imagine this week, them actually topping that episode with “The Waitress is Getting Married.” Written by Glenn Howerton and Charlie Day themselves, the episode clicked on all levels. It was kick awesome!
One of the things Sunny has done well has been creating this world of characters that they can easily pluck from and into each episode and it always works. This episode was a perfect example of it; Mrs. Mac, Charlie’s mom, The Waitress of course and in an unexpected but totally believable way, Artemis (as Frank’s booty call no less!).
Really, the episode was chock full of moments from beginning to end… here’s 90% of ’em…
The opening scene of Lucy the wedding dress lady questioning Dee coming in every Saturday for the last year trying on dresses, Kaitlin Olson was awesome…
“When is the wedding?”
“The nearby one.”
“The nearby one?”
“Right down the street.”
“What’s your fiance’s name?”
“What does he do?”
“Sea salt. He’s a salt seaman. He… he dives in to the ocean for the sea salt and he then brings it back up and then we eat it… so…
“Okay, I’m getting the manager.”
Then this kicker from Brad, Dee’s ex-boyfriend from high school who had lots of acne… Dee seems to be very attracted to the new and improved ex.
“When it got real bad, you dumped me and you said it was because I was gonna grow up to look like Edward James Olmos.”
And the reveal that *gasp* “The Waitress is Getting Married.”
Dee worries about Charlie’s well being, but while our loveable illiterate goof tries to get hornet honey, Dennis, Mac, and Frank don’t give a sh-t until they realize Charlie might kill them instead of hurting himself. But Dee hates that the Waitress is getting married before her and she likes the “Look at Me Now” version of her former pizza-faced boyfriend. Oh, and Artemis is Frank’s booty call… they’re into food fetishes.
The guys want to get Charlie a new woman to stalk, so they want to set up a Match.com profile. “Let’s pretend you’re not who you are and attract a woman.” Mac takes a picture of Charlie for the profile:
He sets aside his box of hornet’s nest and gives Mac and Dennis his info:
Favorite Food: Milksteak.
Favorite Hobby: Just magnets.
Likes: Ghouls. Funny little green ghouls.
Dislikes: People’s knees. “Cover your knees up if you’re going to be walking around everywhere.”
Dee goes searching for the happy couple and finds them walking down the street. “Bingo bitch!” She offers to throw them a bachelorette party, with Brad being invited as well. He likes the idea because he wants to meet her friends.
Dee is getting ready for the party and her four party guests are all set. Artemis and Frank are using peanut butter to arouse themselves, while on the couch are Mrs. Mac and Mrs. Kelly.
Frank: “Deandra! You got any bacon bits? We like to put ’em in Artemis’ hair and they rain down on me when we bang.”
Artemis: “I feel like a cob salad. It’s amazing!”
Dee: “Okay, I have no idea why anyone would want to feel like a cob salad, but whatever, that’s good. Bring that up when Brad’s here.”
Dee: “Okay Mrs. Mac, make sure that you talk about how the waitress looks exactly like you when you were young. Right, remember that? There’s a whole carton of cigarettes in it for you.”
Mrs. Mac: *cough*
Dee: “Mrs. Kelly, remember, this man that I’m bringing over is trying to steal the love of your son’s life away.”
Charlie’s mom: “Nobody hurts my Charlie!”
Dee: “That’s good! That’s good, keep that up, and keep the drinking coming, cause it makes you get all weird.”
Artemis and Frank munch lettuce from each other’s mouths as Brad and the Waitress arrive.
“You big ol’ fat stick in the mud.” Dee greets the Waitress and as soon as they walk into the apartment, Dee hands her a drink and brings up her alcohol problems to Brad, plus embellishes with some cocaine.
Meanwhile, Mac and Dennis are helping Charlie prepare for his blind date. She’s a lawyer. He’s profusely sweating through his shirt. They tell him to say he is a philanthropist. He can’t say the word. He breathes at the guys and they smell cheese.
Dennis: “Have you eaten cheese?”
Mac: “How much cheese have you eaten today?”
Charlie: “How much cheese is too much cheese?”
Dennis: “Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese!”
Charlie: “I had a lot of cheese, I had a block of cheese.”
Mac: “You had a block of cheese today!?”
Charlie: “I was very nervous, I had a block of cheese man!”
Mac: “Does that calm you down?”
At the party, Dee suggests they play a newlywed game. First question, Who broke Brad’s heart in high school and feels really bad about it? The Waitress answers that she did and she does. Dee didn’t even realize they went to the same high school together.
“Wow, you are very forgettable!”
Waitress: “You dated Dee?”
Brad: “Briefly, yeah.”
Dee: “We dated hard, yeah!”
Artemis: “Both you girls dumped him because of his pizza face!”
Question #2: “How many people in the room have had sex with the bride to be?”
Brad: *laughs* “Just me I hope!”
Frank: “Whoops! Nuh-uh, over here guy!”
Waitress: “That was a really dark time in my life and it was a terrible mistake.”
Dee: “No it’s true. To be fair it’s true. She’s in love with my brother, they have a sex tape together, this guy came along.”
Mrs. Mac: “I used to look like her! Give me my cigarettes!”
Mrs. Kelly: “Everybody’s stealing my Charlie girl!”
She splashes her drink onto Dee and the engaged couple decide to leave.
Dee is upset. “Oh you bitch! God damn it, I should be the one getting married!”
Frank and Artemis feel uncomfortable so they decide to get sweaty. Dee forbids them from getting sweaty in her bathroom so they decide to do it in the Wendy’s bathroom.
Dee: “Yay! Go have sex at Wendy’s! Wonderful!”
Mrs. Mac: “This party sucks!!!”
Dee: “YOU suck!”
Mrs. Kelly: *in a whiny voice* “I need a riiiddeee!”
Dee: “Well, I ain’t giving you shit you old bitch!”
Back at the fancy restaurant, the lawyer, Jackie, arrives.
“I run into a lot of hornets in my line of work,” Charlie explains about the cuts on his face. She asks what he does. He replies, “I’m a full-on rapist, you know. Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing.”
Jackie: “I’m sorry, did you say you’re a full-on rapist?”
Charlie: “Did I say that? No no no no, I help people. You know what I mean? I’m a phila… phila… philan.”
Jackie: “A philanthropist?”
Charlie: “Yeah that’s exactly what it is! It gets blocked up in my mouth, I don’t say it no good. So… I’m a janitor at a bar.”
Charlie runs to the restroom with Mac and Dennis. Charlie asks to borrow Dennis’ shirt since his is ruined by his sweat. The date isn’t going so well, Mac suggests Charlie just asks if they could bang, he’s got a 50/50 shot. Dennis says it is a “no scenario.”
Charlie goes back outside, tells her about asking a guy in the bathroom for his shirt which cues Dennis to come in posing as the restaurant manager. Charlie decides to order some milksteak, “boiled over hard” and raw jellybeans. Mac comes in and is less than official sounding as the owner and suggests for Charlie and Jackie to hit it in the coat room. He then just tells Charlie to make his move which prompts him to poke her boobs.
Charlie: “You don’t know shit about chicks man!”
Dennis: “I don’t know shit about chicks? Well guess what bro, the Waitress is getting married so suck on that!”
Charlie: “I see, I suppose I’ll be taking that milksteak to go then.”
The next day, Mac and Dennis are preparing themselves with a gun and a baseball bat just in case Charlie comes to kill them but Frank says (after recalling his story of making a mess at Wendy’s) Charlie was fine, he was going over to the guy’s house to give him a congratulatory gift.
Charlie shows up at Brad’s door, and he informs Charlie that the wedding isn’t going to happen. Brad recognizes him. He asks Charlie if he remembered the times in high school when everyone made fun of them. Well, Brad is getting revenge on all the girls who broke up with him in high school because of his face by getting engaged and then dumping them right before the wedding. He just got done with the Waitress and now it’s time for Dee Reynolds. “Remember her? She was the worst!”
All Charlie cares about is the Waitress and Brad says she was devastated. He decides to give Brad the gift anyway, and it is actually the box with the big “H” on it for the hornet’s next he was playing with earlier. Brad appreciates the gift. Charlie leaves with a huge smirk on his face.
AND… an excellent episode. Hilarious throughout. A very complete episode I think. Everything came back around, not just from within the episode, but from past episodes as well. One of the very best and most hilarious episodes the show has done.
Guest stars: Mary Elizabeth Ellis (Mrs. Charlie Day!!) as the Waitress; Artemis Pebdani as Artemis; Sandy Martin as Mac’s Mom; Lynne Marie Stewart as Charlie’s Mom; Nick Wechsler as Brad, the Waitress’ fiance (He looked really familiar!); Nasim Pedrad as Lucy the wedding shop lady.