Charlie and Mac go drop off The Gang’s laundry at Charlie’s mom’s for her to do. She says they rarely get to talk and Charlie and Mac don’t really want to.
But she has something to tell them now, she’s got lung cancer.
Mac and Charlie head to the bar with Charlie blaming Mac’s mom for smoking everywhere. Dee is asking Frank for money to pay for her psychic who she thinks is legit. Frank says it’s just a scam and Dee is losing her mind.
But she turns it around on him. He’s lost four pairs of shoes this month already. Who’s the real crazy one?
“My mind is as sharp as a …” Frank can’t think of what right now.
Mac and Charlie walk in and Charlie tells the others about his mother. Dennis feigns concern because he can’t feel anything.
“Are you screwing me right now?”
Mac says his mom has a doctor who can cure cancer for $4200. Dee says that’s just a scam and old people get taken advantage of all the time.
“Thumbtack!” Frank finally remembers what sharp object he was referring too.
Dee uses Frank as an example and gets Frank to hand over $100 thinking he already said he would.
Dennis, Mac and Charlie head to the doctor, but it’s a strange neighborhood. They enter the garage where they meet Dr. Jinx who is taking care of his plants. Charlie thinks this is very weird, especially since they rarely see black doctors. Dr. Jinx takes slight offense.
But he says he uses ancient homeopathic remedies from Mother Earth to cure stuff. Mac shows him the rash on his arm, saying it’s eczema. Dr. Jinx says it’s sailor’s rot and asks Mac if he’s been to Haiti or had sex with prostitutes. He says no and Dr. Jinx sprays it with something. It burns.
“Mother Earth don’t play.”
Dennis asks if Dr. Jinx has anything to help him have feelings. Dr. Jinx says he does and takes out his guitar and plays.
“That was a scam,” they conclude. Mac has another idea. They head to mass to ask God for help.
Mac sings along and Dennis tries to embrace the faith to “knock some emotion loose.” The moms are off to the side praying as well. Mrs. Mac stands up in the middle of mass to go out and smoke. Mac she she’s put her time in, so she can take smoke breaks during mass.
Charlie starts to go crazy and gets confused about kneeling and standing. But Mac and Dennis hug Charlie to offer a sign of peace.
Across town, Dee is talking to her psychic who pretty much doesn’t know what he’s doing. He repeats that Dee will come into a windfall of cash, but they’re going to need to go through a couple of sessions to learn more about how. Frank walks in to say he remembers never having wanted to give her $100. The psychic sees Frank and says he has an interesting aura. Surprisingly, the psychic gets a couple things about Frank right.
Frank starts to believe and asks if they psychic can conjure the dead. He wants to conjure up his “dead whore wife” so he can “lay into her.” He says he can’t do that, but he feels her spirit is very much alive. Dee thinks that’s absurd, but Frank says they never asked questions or saw the body or even went to the funeral.
The psychic says she’s living somewhere in the city with a small Mexican dog.
“That dirty bitch.”
At church, mass is over. Dennis says he didn’t feel anything, but he does always enjoy eating the wafers.
Mac: “Of course you do, because you’re consuming the actual body of Christ.”
Dennis: “Uh huh, well, he was delicious.”
Charlie: “You’re telling me, that you believe that Christ comes back to life every Sunday in the form of a bowl of crackers and then you proceed to just eat the man.”
Charlie asks his mother what she’s doing here and she says she wants to pray for money to pay Dr. Jinx. Mac says he might be a good doctor since his rash has almost completely cleared up. The priest comes over and asks them if they could donate a little extra to help pay for the statue of Mary that was vandalized last week.
“What the shit man?”
My mother is dying of cancer, Charlie says and tells the priest to maybe give them some money, maybe the expensive ring he’s wearing.
Dennis and Mac try to calm Charlie down and Dennis says the church is also a scam, but a good, effective one. They need to use that model for their needs.
They decide to have a Beef and Beer at Paddy’s to raise money.
Meanwhile, Frank and Dee go dig up the grave of Barbara’s dog. Frank finds his blonde toupee in the box and not a dead dog. But they also find $5000. (“That dirty whore!”) They conclude she’s still alive and has money buried all over the city.
“We better tell your brother Darryl.”
“Dennis.”
Frank thinks he really is losing it. “My head has turned into soup.”
Suddenly, Mr. Juarez pops up. The father of the Mexican family they Extreme Home Makeover’d. They ask how they like the mansion they had to give them and he says it’s very nice, but they had to leave because they couldn’t pay their property taxes.
But he does return every Saturday… to work as the gardener.
“Tell you what, property taxes… paying for what you already own? Now that’s a scam.”
The Gang has invited all the parishioners from the church and Dr. Jinx is performing with his band. In the office, Artemis is putting on movie makeup on Charlie’s mom to make her look sicker, but she doesn’t like it.
“It’s devouring your insides, but we need for it to devour your outsides so it plays better for our audience.”
Charlie’s mom also doesn’t like they speech they wrote for her. Artemis lights up some not-tobacco, but Charlie tells her to do it away from his mom. She decides to get some beef.
Dennis stands on the stage and gets televangelist all over their asses. He seems very passionate, but he still doesn’t feel anything.
Time for Mrs. Kelly’s speech.
“As you know I’m as sick as a 3-legged dog on the streets of India. My lungs are going to sizzle, pop and disintegrate into a liquid lung and organ gumbo soup. Give me money, money me, money now, me a money needing a lot now.”
But she can’t continue. She has a confession to make.
“Don’t do it bitch!”
Bonnie Kelly does not have cancer.
Later, she explains she and Mrs. Mac were the ones that broke the Virgin Mary statue. They needed to raise money to get it fixed. Charlie asks how they came up with such an idea and she says she learned it from watching him.
They then learn Mr. Jinx is the goddamn church gardener and he actually sprayed Mac’s rash (which has reappeared) with pesticide.
Dee and Frank arrive to tell the Gang they need to dig up Barbara’s grave to get the money.
They head to the cemetery and dig up the grave. Charlie’s down in the grave and opens the coffin to find…
“OH SHIT!!! OH SHIT!!11!!”
…Barbara Reynolds’ skeleton.
Everyone freaks out except Frank. He’s laughing his ass off since he planned this whole thing. He paid off the psychic and buried the money in the dog grave.
“I grifted your asses good because you said I was slippin’!!”
Dennis is hysterical… “My mommy!!! My mommy’s a skeleton!!!! I feel too much, I feel TOO much!!”
Dee can’t believe it.
“You made me dig up my dead mother because I said you were losing it?”
“Score one for the old people.”
Frank celebrates, but…
“Wait a minute, what the hell happened to my shoes?!”
Barefood Frank.
Episode Thoughts
OMG. This is classic, classic Sunny. Even more than the other, excellent episodes this season. It was one of those episodes that chugs along for 25 minutes then delivers the huge punchline at the end.
But this time, we got TWO! First, the mom besties scamming The Gang. I did not see that coming. And second, Frank’s elaborate payback for making them think he was losing it. Genius.
Now we all know how Sunny can seamlessly and easily pull in familiar characters from the past. Even the most unexpected ones. This time it was the dad from “The Gang Gets Extreme: Home Makeover Edition” episode. More genius.
And you know an episode is good when Sean Combs guest starring was probably the least interesting part of it.
You know the strangest part though, Artemis was almost normal. No freaky stuff from her. Now that’s crazy!
But seriously, the moment Charlie opened the coffin. Maybe the hardest I cracked up at Sunny in a long time. Charlie’s “OH SHIT!”s, Dennis and Dee’s horrified reactions, Frank’s laughing then realizing he doesn’t have shoes on. So random, so twisted, so hilarious.
It’s amazing how well Sunny has been doing this season. No bad episodes yet, all have been classics so far. Might be the show’s strongest season yet. And for a show in its 8th season to be churning some of their best, funniest episodes ever, that’s amazing.
A detailed recap is nice and all, but you know what’s even better? Actually watching the full episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia!
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