Charlie and Dee are in her purple PT Cruiser following The Waitress around. Charlie says she’s delivering Indian food now on her bike and is worried that she isn’t putting a lock on it when she makes her deliveries. A guy comes walking down the street and suspicious Charlie gets out of the car to bark at him from stealing it.
The Waitress comes out to tell Charlie to just stop stalking her. What will she do without him, he says and points out he helps her out a lot, like watching her bike, putting vitamins in her shampoo and testing her food.
She asks him if he really wants her to be happy, he should leave her alone and be gone forever.
“So this is goodbye?”
“Yes. Thank you. Goddamn.”
Charlie hops back in the car and says maybe she’s right. Dee says they should follow her some more, but when she backs up, she hits another car. They get out.
“If you don’t have car insurance, you better have dental because I’m going to smash your teeth into dust!”
meet the driver, Trevor, and his sister Ruby. The four seem to hit it off.
Charlie and Dee tell the others about what happened and that the siblings invited them to a dinner date. They mention they are Tafts and the others realize they are the filthy rich Taft Family.
Mac says his whole family was a Taft family… they worked at Taft’s factories. He asks Charlie and Dee what the plan is for the dinner because they can’t mess this up. They have to anybody but themselves. So Charlie must stay away from all cheese and Dee can’t be a “drunk, punchy whore.”
“Don’t screw this up for me… for you, for all of us!”
At dinner, Charlie starts conversation by asking the siblings about their Mayflower ancestors.
“Well I imagine they destroyed many an Indian. I do sort of have a distaste for the Indians. They’re savage things, they’re nasty really.”
“They needed to be exterminated.”
“I hate to say.”
“You do hate to, but it’s the truth. Congratulations to your family.”
Dee says her family was distantly related to the Vandervelts, a railroad family. Charlie says he came from a very “moneyful family” as well, a shipper of goods and “services” (if you know they mean ;)) and builders of tall… buildings.
Trevor asks if they want a drink. Dee wants to, but controls herself. But then, the waiter rolls out a cart full of cheeses. Charlie can’t believe it. Dee grabs his hand to help. But he can’t help it. Charlie stuffs his face in the cheese and Dee grabs the neighboring table’s martini. They apologize for putting on airs. But Trevor and Ruby say Thank God because they liked them for not being like the people they usually know.
Charlie and Dee are relieved.
“Look at this pit stain. You like this pit stain?”
In a Martina Martinez voice: “I’ve got bodily functions, I’m sawry!”
Watching from outside the restaurant, Dennis is suspicious.
“Can the girl not smell Charlie? Can the guy not see Dee?”
Mac tells Dennis not to poke holes in this situation.
“This is like Lady Di being plucked from the streets like the trash she was. And the trash that Charlie and Dee are.”
Suddenly a light bulb goes off for Dennis. This is like a dangerous liason (the movie) or Cruel Intentions, She’s All That, Can’t Buy Me Love or any late 90s movie. This is the game that rich people play with people they perceive to be below them. That girl will crush Charlie. But Dee is always getting crushed and she always bounces back, Dennis says. So he only cares about fragile Charlie.
Next day, the guys drive Charlie and Dee to the Taft mansion and get invited to the party. Dennis tells Frank his plan to extract Ruby’s plan for Charlie from her while they play tennis.
Dennis licks his lips, “I will definitely have her.”
Frank says Don’t try to bang her.
It’s Dennis and Ruby on one side and Frank and Charlie on the other as they play tennis, but Dennis tries to show off and eventually tires himself out. They take a break then he pops off his shirt.
“What do you think about this? What I’m presenting you?”
“I think you look really pale, do you need some sunscreen?”
Inside, Dee is drunk and doing some of her inflatable man dancing in front of Trevor.
“I love how free and uninhibited you are.”
“Oh yeah? How about I free that big fat snake in your pants and inhibit myself all over it?”
She pulls him up from the couch and says “Let’s hump.”
Mac barges in to stop Dee from messing this up and both he and Trevor go into defensive stances. Trevor likes it.
“I’ve got more of a Catholic thing going on. Sort of a, hand of God.”
Outside, Dennis gets a call from someone. He answers it, but doesn’t even know the name the person gives him. It’s actually The Waitress.
She asks if Charlie has stolen her bike, but Dennis hangs up on her. He then realizes if Charlie stops doing all the stuff for her, her life’s going to change and she’ll start calling all the time or dropping by the bar for answers. Then she’ll have a front row seat for the “final moment of humiliation” that Ruby is going to inflict on Charlie; the climactic moment rich people reveal their plan.
So Dennis gets Frank to do all the creepy things on Charlie’s list for The Waitress. Frank heads to The Waitress’ apartment wearing a homemade ski mask, but he can’t even read Charlie’s chicken scratch of a list. So he decides to just put rat poison in her shampoo. This is while Dennis is in a tanning bed. The Waitress walks into the apartment while Frank is there. She thinks it’s Charlie, but Frank scares her and chases her out.
Charlie brings Ruby to The Waitress’ apartment and tells her about the love of his life and how he wants to make sure he can let her go before moving forward with their own relationship. The Waitress comes walking up and asks Charlie to stop playing his games like her poisoned hair. He tells her he’s been with Ruby the last few days. She backs him up.
“Who’s this bitch!?”
Charlie looks at Ruby and says she’s his girlfriend. He pulls her into a kiss, apologizes and they walk away.
The Waitress can’t believe it.
At Dee’s apartment, Trevor is recording Mac and Dee fighting and punching each other’s crotch. He loves it and invites them to a party where his father will announce Taftco will go public. Trevor then asks Mac to show him more of his cool wrestling moves. Mac says they’ll have to get oiled up.
Charlie and Ruby are all kissyface at the party while Dee and Mac are very underessed as they eat king crab together. Trevor introduces them to his frat brothers. Dee asks where they’ll be sitting and Trevor says with his frat brothers’ guests. He points them out before he and his frat brothers leave.
Dee and Mac see the guests are a bunch of geeks and dorks and Dee now realizes what’s going on. They follow Trevor and his bros to a room in the mansion where he is showing them the video he recorded earlier. “Biggest losers ever,” he says and asks them to pay up.
Dennis pops up and tells them this must be a tough pill to swallow, but he can also play these games.
The Taft patriarch gets up to make his announcement about going public, but Dennis interrupts. He has a video of Trevor and Mac played. They’re shirtless (and oiled up) and Trevor gives Mac an insider trading tip about the company’s stock. Mac asks “You ready for round 2 big guy?” And it appears Trevor is thrusting into Mac before Dennis pauses the video.
Oops. Not good for Taftco.
“I didn’t know I was being filmed,” Trevor says.
“If you’re in my room, you’re always being filmed.”
Mac, Charlie and Dee affirm Dennis’ statement.
But that’s not all. Dennis says Ruby is also playing her game. But Charlie might be picking someone else anyway. Dennis puts Frank on speaker who says someone hit The Waitress with his car… or their car, or… well, The Waitress has been run over and she needs him. Frank hands the phone to her and she says if Charlie can help stop all this stuff that’s been happening to her, then please come back into her life. Okay Charlie says, he turns to leave, but Ruby stops him and says she wasn’t using him like Trevor was.
Charlie says, I know. He was actually using her. That’s why he kissed her in front of The Waitress and banged her a couple of times, just to make The Waitress jealous. He says a quality woman wouldn’t say yes right away, she should say no for 10 years like a real woman.
“You know what you were acting like? A stupid little rich slut. And that’s all that you are.”
“How can you do this to me?”
“Are you still talking? Go away dum dum, go run and hide, go away from me.”
Dennis, Dee and Mac are shocked.
“I guess Charlie had the cruelest intentions of all.”
Charlie is at the hospital feeding The Waitress. She says she might want to reduce the restraining order from 100 feet to 50 feet now.
Another hilarious episode. There were a lot of great lines in this one and finally the Gang actually wins one against the “bad people.”
Of course, poor Ruby. She actually seemed nice and it was actually really nice seeing Charlie happy with someone else. But we all know, Charlie’s destiny is The Waitress and I guess we should’ve seen that ending coming. Charlie does show a clever brain sometimes.
But what about that video of Mac and Trevor!? What was going on there? Was it what we think it was? It’s definitely been hinted so far, so we’ll be on the lookout for the payoff with that.