Dennis, Charlie and Mac are watching a news report for a hurricane about to hit Philly, but they’re actually only watching because of the reporter’s huge breasts. Dee thinks this is serious though. Frank comes into the bar wearing a trashbag and says this is all media hype.
But as the news reports continue and there are reports of looting. Maybe they should get to higher ground (or lower ground, as low as can be according to Charlie).
“We gotta stop pussydickin’ around,” Dee says, it’s time they get to the bunker. They take Frank down to the basement to show him the bunker they built to ride out Y2K. See, that was media hype too, Frank says. They go in and Dee can’t believe it’s completely empty now thanks to the guys eating everything and it being used as Dennis’ impromptu sex corner/Mac’s free live sex show.
Don’t worry, the guys say. They’ll head to the All American Home Center (where the big breasted weather reporter is at ) and buy more supplies. At the store, Mac decides he’ll deal with the food while Dennis wants to have some chicks to take home to ride out the storm with. Charlie wants some Mayan-Mexicans for prediction purposes.
Back at Paddy’s, Dee is boarding up, but Frank calls her over to show how media hype causes the looting. Suddenly, the power goes out and Frank pulls out his gun (naturally).
At the store, Dennis has invited two young college girls over to Paddy’s for a “hurricane party.” Charlie pops up with a cart full of supplies including pickled eggs. But the girls asks if they can bring their boyfriends to the party. Oops.
“You have boyfriends? How did you not know… that the reason I invited you back to my bar… was to bang you. Get outta here! Get the hell outta here! Shoo away from me!!”
“You’re a dick!”
The girls leave. Charlie shows Dennis his stuff, especially his new hatchet.
Down in the bunker, Frank and Dee are startled by a big rat… or maybe a looter. Frank shoots, but it’s actually Cricket. And the bullet hits right in the middle of his left palm and he starts bleeding profusely. Frank says they have to bring him to the hospital, but Cricket doesn’t want to because they euthanize homeless people there.
Dee also doesn’t want to go because it’ll probably be filled with vagrants once the storm hits. But they decide to go drop him off and immediately get back.
At the home store, Charlie meets Dennis in the office section where he’s drafting a contract for women to sign that’ll guarantee basically to worship their penis at the bar. Charlie would love to sign it.
He tells Dennis that Mac has taken the car and left them though, so they are now stranded at the home store. Suddenly, Dennis’ attention is captured by… Jackie Denardo… the huge breasted weather reporter lady. They want to get her to go to the bar. Dennis feels very nervous.
Dee is freaking out in the car as they drive Cricket to the hospital. Charlie calls Frank to tell them about Mac leaving and now Frank’s freaking out and Dee turns the car around to go get Dennis and Charlie and the supplies before dropping Cricket off at the hospital.
At the store, Dennis has changed into less storm-like clothes and approaches Jackie Denardo who is just finishing up her report. When she goes off air, Dennis talks to her and is incredibly nervous and stammering about bars, bunkers, and race. Jackie gets a call from the station telling her the storm won’t hit Philly anymore and that she needs to keep the story going.
Dennis keeps going about agreements, but she calls him a creep and tells him to get lost.
Cricket is in the parking lot by himself and a dog in the car next to him starts barking at him. He gets into the driver’s seat. Dee has left the keys in the ignition.
Charlie thinks he’s found a Mayan-Mexican woman as Dee and Frank come running in. The Mayan woman starts taking Charlie’s stuff from the cart and randomly, one of the Basco Brothers announces that the credit card machines are down and they will only accept cash.
Frank, Dee, and Charlie start freaking out since they only have credit cards since Mac took all the cash. Charlie suggests they just loot, but Frank says they have to wait until the moment presents itself.
Cricket comes crashing through the front doors in Dee’s car and all hell breaks loose in the store. Jackie Denardo goes on air to report as pandemonium breaks out behind her. Charlie comes and tells her to come to the bunker with them as she freaks out herself.
Meanwhile, Mac is in the bunker watching all of this live… on a brand new 3D TV. He gets bored with that and switches over to the Spanish-language news report (with an equally big breasted weather lady).
It was good episode. The craziness and the frenzy were fun. It was funny (though predictable) that all of this would end up with no storm and just looting. But it would’ve been interesting to see what would’ve happened if the storm did hit (though it’d be a completely different episode).
The episode went by very fast and I actually think they could’ve done more, but overall it was a good, fun ep.
Great to see Rickety Cricket pop up. It’s been a while. And seriously, David Hornsby needs to have a regular gig (and certainly a better one than How to be a Gentleman as evidenced by its cancellation).