EPISODE 13-09: THAT IS STUDLY
Birthday boy Nick and Starr set off from the Pit Stop first as they learn their next destination is Moscow, Russia. Once there, they’ll take a taxi to Krutitsy Monastery where they will light a candle to receive their next clue.
Toni & Dallas are off next and Dallas notes how hopefully they’ll finally get 1st. Ken & Tina, again, relate how their rocky relationship is affecting them in the Race, but that they’ll work through it.
At the airport, the Dallas and Starr love story continues and he tells her how frustrated (in a flirty way of course) he is with the siblings winning every leg.
It turns out Dandrew never did get their shoes back from the puppets, so they “jacked” some slippers from the maid at the hotel. They also mention how no one expected them to make it as far as they have… “we have everything to gain and nothing to lose.”
At the airport, foreshadowing their money troubles later on, they lower their taxi fare and then figure they have enough money to buy some shoes at the airport. $160 for the shows I think.
RHYTHM OR FOODMorning comes, and all teams board the 6:05am flight from Almaty to Moscow.
Teams come running out of the airport looking for taxis, and it is Dandrew who grabs one first by running to the parking lot. They’re off, and then worry about the taxi possibly being too expensive.
Nick & Starr get in a taxi, ask if the driver speaks English, and take “Нет” to mean “Yes.” So begins the siblings’ taxi troubles.
But they and Toni & Dallas arrive at the monastery first and their next clue tells them to go to Kolosok Camp, a decommissioned military base on the outskirts of Moscow to find their next clue.
Nick & Starr get in their taxi first and leave Toni & Dallas behind.
Meanwhile, Dandrew arrive next at the monastery with Ken & Tina in last.
Toni & Dallas calculate they’re spending $100 to go from each clue to the next and worry they could be out of money quick.
They get to the camp first and find the Detour.
||In this Detour, teams will take part in “two activities that will entrench will them in Russia’s strong military tradition, Boots or Borscht. For both Detours, teams will have to don a complete military uniform.
In Boots, teams will join a training squad and learn a traditional parade march. When ready, teams will fall in line and complete one lap of the parade grounds and wait for the okay from the drill sergeant.
In Borscht, teams will find a mess tent and serve borscht to a table of 75 waiting soldiers.
Toni & Dallas choose Boots and they head into the tent to find uniforms with their names on them. They headed outside to watch a demonstration on how to put on traditional foot wraps before they could put on their boots.
Nick & Starr meanwhile are having more trouble, not understanding a word of their driver who is lost. Starr gets very frustrated (the grimace not leaving her face the entire leg), Nick tries to calm her down.
Back at the camp, Ken & Tina and Dandrew arrive and both choose Boots. Andrew says he has 6 years of marching band experience, so the Detour would be easy for him.
Toni & Dallas start marching, and Ken & Tina are right behind. Toni wants a rhythm, Dallas thinks its easy while Tina has fun and Ken thinks she was cute side by side with the soldiers. Andrew, meanwhile is having trouble putting on the foot wraps and Dan starts to get impatient, wondering if they should do the other Detour.
Toni & Dallas get the “Да” from the drill sergeant and get their next clue telling them to make their way to the town of Zhukovsky and to a bakery where they’ll find their next clue.
As they are leaving, Nick & Starr finally arrive and choose Boots. Dandrew gives up on putting on their uniform and decide to do the Borscht but don’t realize until later that they still have to wear a uniform for the other Detour.
Ken & Tina get the yes and are off.
Nick & Starr (who are wearing each other’s uniform, I must add) begin to march as Andrew, on their way to the Borscht, realize their mistake.
Dandrew relates how they have made so many dumb mistakes that a compilation video should be made.
Nick & Starr breeze past Dandrew. Dan can’t get the rhythm of the march and after laughs from the soldiers and a frustrated Andrew, they decide to do the Borscht.
Toni & Dallas meanwhile arrive at the bakery and find the Road Block.
||In this Road Block, teams must become a delivery person and unload 50 55lb bags of flour and take them into the bakery, arranging them horizontally on the floor. They lady will hand them their next clue when finished.
Dallas gets to it, taking two bags in at a time and we are introduced to the tough shop owner. (“That won’t do!” “Be careful!” “Follow instructions!”) Toni worries Dallas will get himself exhausted.
Ken & Tina arrive and Ken starts unloading.
Back on the road, Starr’s frustration continues. Back at the camp, Dandrew starts serving the Borscht to the hungry soldiers and have some fun with it. (“Anna Kournikova. Hm? Maria Sharapova!”)
When the finish, they head to the “yum yum” bakery and again worry about running out of money.
At the bakery, Dallas finishes and they get their next clue to the Pit Stop, Neskuchny Sad Park. Toni & Dallas are off just as Ken gives the shop owner kisses on the cheek before they leave. They see Nick & Starr on their way out as Nick starts the Road Block.
“Hee’s not fit” says the shop owner as Nick pushes through it. After letting their non-English speaking taxi driver go, Nick & Starr now run around looking for a taxi. Starr, her frustration growing, jumps in the middle of the street, in front of cars and taxis hoping to find one.
Dandrew make it to the bakery with Dan doing the “simply, Neanderthal” Road Block.As Dan finishes, Nick & Starr find a taxi, who doesn’t know where he’s going and they switch to another.
All four teams are on their way to the Pit Stop. Dandrew’s money worries return as Nick & Starr’s latest cab driver assures them that they are going in the right direction (“You’ve said that a million times.” *shrugs* “What can I do?”)
At Gate 14, Toni & Dallas run into the park looking for the library and the mat. Ken & Tina are right behind them.
Ultimately, Toni & Dallas arrive at the Mat first…
Toni: “Say it Phil.”
Phil: “Say what?”
Dallas: “That you’re team number one!”
Phil: “You really want me to say that?”
Mother and son finally win a leg and a trip to the Dominican Republic.
Ken & Tina come in 2nd, telling Phil they’re on their way back up.
Nick just isn’t having Starr’s crying and tells her to stop since it’s not going to help anything. They head into the park, but her impatience continues.
Meanwhile just outside, Dandrew doesn’t have enough money to pay for the cab and have no idea what to do. The taxi driver isn’t letting them go and starts smoking a cigarette until giving up on them.
Nick & Starr think they’re last, but end up 3rd.
Dandrew arrives last, but it is unsurprisingly a non-elimination.
So we are almost at the final leg. One more to go and we’ll have our final 3 racing back home.
Toni & Dallas officially make 3 of the final 4 and possibly (if Dandrew is eliminated next week), have the only 3 teams to have won legs be the ultimate final 3.
This leg spent a rare amount of time in taxis. I don’t remember a time when taxi drama took even more time than airport drama usually would in an episode (though no amount of taxi drama could top Charla & Mirna’s pseudo-taxi drama in All-Stars).
The military Detour is fitting, though uneventful save for the hilarity of Dan’s lack of coordination.
With the Road Block, imagine the divorcees doing that manual labor.
I am surprised though the clue was so obvious… “Who has a strong back?”
Usually, they are more cryptic than that, especially for tasks that require heavy lifting. (Like TAR6’s Senegal Road Block that had almost all the women of the teams lugging huge baskets of salt through the water)
Not the most exciting episode of the season, nor the most surprising result, but we’re down the wire and the finish line is almost in sight.